Navigating the Paradox of Love, the Holidays & Cancer: a Personal Reflection
Welcome to the Holiday Season!
I don’t know about you, but everywhere I look there’s an email about “holiday stress, triggers, how to navigate family dynamics, old wounds, ancestral trauma, etc…” However, what if the holiday challenges you faced were far beyond the ordinary? What if, like me six years ago, you received a cancer diagnosis right before the holidays?
On December 14th, I received the news that I had breast cancer. A week later, the diagnosis was stage IV triple-negative breast cancer, the most aggressive form. Just in time for the holidays, or so it seemed. Let me tell you, LOVE was the last thing I felt like choosing. I was in shock, so afraid I was going to die, and overwhelmed with a sense of victimhood. Life wasn't fair; I was only 47, and I couldn't comprehend why the universe had dealt me this hand.
I recall feeling like it would be my last holiday season of giving and receiving presents. I even discouraged people from bothering, convinced that my time was limited. Sarcasm and tears became my initial response to the looming prospect of my own mortality.
In the face of such a diagnosis, the usual holiday stress and family issues seem trivial. I understand that grappling with these concerns while finding out you have cancer can be infuriating. To witness others complain about mundane family squabbles, when you would give anything to argue with a long-lost sister or offer forgiveness to an abusive father, can feel almost surreal.
Yet, as we delve into the holiday season, I invite you to consider the paradox of choosing LOVE even amidst the chaos of cancer. It's not about ignoring the grief, anger, or fear—those are valid emotions that demand acknowledgment. It's about recognizing that love, even in the face of adversity, can be a powerful force for healing. It’s also understanding that life is such a gift, no matter what is going on. Trust me, my rock bottom wasn’t feeling like I was going to die soon, it was that I wasted all 47 years not being happy that I was alive.
This isn't about dismissing the pain or minimizing the gravity of a cancer diagnosis. It's about embracing the complexity of emotions and, if you choose, finding moments of love amid the struggle. It might be the love you give yourself by setting up your team of doctors, or opening up to the love expressed by friends and family, or the love found in unexpected moments of joy.
So, if you find yourself irritated by the triviality of holiday stress discussions, know that your frustration is justified. But, perhaps, within that frustration lies an opportunity to explore the transformative power of choosing LOVE, even when faced with the darkest of challenges. You are not alone, trust in your journey.
I will chat more about why LOVE is the better choice later … but until then, wishing you strength, resilience, and moments of unexpected love this holiday season. I hope these verses resonate as a reminder that the power to choose lies within us.
LOVE vs. FEAR
LOVE accepts, trusts, and opens to the flow,
Fear denies, limits, and is stuck in resistance.
LOVE has faith in discomfort,
Fear controls to feel safe.
LOVE gets kinder and curious,
Fear gets angry and protective.
LOVE looks for wisdom and lessons,
Fear looks for someone or something to blame.
LOVE finds gratitude for the journey,
Fear complains and holds onto being a victim.
LOVE feeds your soul,
Fear feeds your ego.
LOVE allows you to be in the moment,
Fear binds you to the past or future.
LOVE gives,
Fear takes.
LOVE has dreams,
Fear has boundaries.
LOVE says, “and,”
Fear says, “but.”
LOVE honors imperfections,
Fear strives for perfection.
LOVE heals. LOVE empowers. LOVE and fear,
YOU get to choose.
