Navigating Anxiety Surrounding Medical Tests: Trusting Your Soul
March 10, 2024
Recently, I had a heartfelt conversation with someone sharing their struggles as their mother is living with lung cancer. They confided in me, "How do you deal with anxiety about upcoming scans and tests? My mom is always so anxious about going to the doctor and getting scans, fearing the worst-case scenario." I could empathize deeply with their concerns, as I have grappled with similar anxieties myself, even as recently as during a routine colonoscopy. Yet, amidst the turmoil of apprehension, I've learned to heed a reassuring inner voice that whispers, "Jenn, there is nothing to worry about. Your soul is always in charge." It's a profound realization that offers solace in the face of uncertainty. The fear often stems from a sense of losing control, but acknowledging that I am never truly in control, and instead trusting in the guidance of my soul, brings a profound sense of peace and assurance.
Life before cancer was characterized by a sense of invincibility, where medical tests were merely routine checkpoints in our healthcare journey – nothing more than a blip on the radar of our consciousness. Cancer was a distant concern, relegated to the realm of the improbable. Yet, when the diagnosis of breast cancer struck, followed swiftly by one week of tests confirming stage IV triple-negative breast cancer, it felt as though the very fabric of reality had unraveled beneath my feet. Suddenly thrust into the twilight zone of illness, it seemed as though I was living a surreal nightmare, one from which I couldn't escape. The swift descent into uncertainty shattered any illusions of control I once held, leaving me in a state of disbelief. If I can have stage IV cancer and expect nothing, then anything can happen, at any time, no matter what. Suddenly, the specter of bad news looms large, and the possibility of recurrence becomes a haunting reality. It's natural for our minds to spiral into worst-case scenarios, envisioning bleak outcomes that only intensify our anxiety.
Yet, in the depths of this fear, there is a glimmer of hope – a reminder to trust in our inner strength and resilience. Instead of succumbing to the narrative of impending doom, we can choose to confront our fears head-on. It's about acknowledging the fear, but not allowing it to define our reality. It's about recognizing that our thoughts have power, but we have the power to redirect them towards positivity and self-assurance.
Recently, I underwent a colonoscopy, and amidst the apprehension, I confronted the fear head-on. I reminded myself of the vibrant life I lead – the healthy habits, the joyous moments, and the profound gratitude for each day. I refused to let fear dictate my thoughts, choosing instead to trust in the wisdom of my soul. And even if the results were not what I hoped for, I knew that I had the strength to face whatever came my way.
But this journey isn't just about us – it extends to our loved ones as well. Whether it's worrying about a family member, a friend, or a child, the same principles apply. We must trust in the resilience of their spirit, knowing that they too possess the strength to overcome every challenge. I firmly believe that within each of us resides a divine spark, an infinite essence that serves as our guiding light through life's tumultuous waters. It's this intrinsic knowing I am reminded we are never alone in our struggles, but rather interconnected beings on a shared journey towards growth and enlightenment.
At the core of it all lies a profound truth – our souls are our guides, leading us towards growth, healing, and transformation. It's an instinctual knowing, a primal intuition that transcends logic and reason. And in trusting this knowing, we find solace amidst the uncertainty.
If there's one thing that I have learned from cancer, it's the understanding that adversity can serve as a transformative force in our lives. It's a call to shed old patterns that don't serve us, to embrace fresh perspectives, and to seek out the silver linings amidst the darkest of clouds. Cancer has definitely changed my life, but it has left me with so much more than it has taken. And just knowing that every fear I have is merely a messenger – a conduit for introspection and growth. It's a narrative that we can embrace or release, because we all have the power to rewrite the story according to our own terms.
Ultimately, facing the specter of death forces us to confront the essence of life itself. It's a stark reminder to cherish each moment, to love deeply, and to embrace our truest selves. In the end, we are not defined by our fears or our struggles – we are defined by our capacity to love, to live, and to transcend the limitations of our mortality.
So as we navigate anxiety and PTSD, let us remember that we are not alone. We are bound together by our shared humanity, our shared experiences, and our shared capacity for resilience. And in trusting in ourselves, in trusting in each other, we find the strength to face whatever challenges lie ahead. And in doing so, we can find peace, acceptance, and a profound sense of gratitude for the gift of life itself.
I'll conclude with a timeless quote from one of my favorite poets, Rumi: "The wound is the place where the light enters you." How empowering it is to recognize that amidst the trials and tribulations, there lies an opportunity for profound transformation. If we trust in the guidance of our souls, then every challenge has been carefully crafted for us with infinite love. It's through our wounds that the light of resilience and renewal finds its way in, illuminating our path towards becoming stronger, wiser, and more compassionate beings.
Xo,
Jenn